Finding my Worth

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, 

there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 

And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, 

heirs according to promise.

 - Galatians 3:28-29

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My female heart has been struggling lately to remember where my worth comes from. Since getting pregnant, I have struggled with my changing body, and how I fit so far outside of what society tells me I need to be. 

I felt extreme pressure through my pregnancy to not gain too much weight, as if I needed to apologize for going up a pant size while Katelyn was growing within me. I remember feeling ashamed as someone I knew said: "You want to be careful, dear, you're not a small girl!", as if I shouldn't have children because of my size.  

When I learned I was pregnant, I told myself I wouldn't gain over 25lbs, and I would lose them quickly after. But when all was said and done, I'd gained 28lbs the week I delivered Katelyn,  and now 6 months into her precious little life, I still have not been able to shed 12 of those pesky pounds. 

Shame, embarrassment, and fear have crept into my heart these last months, and at times I've even felt unlovable in my new body, scarred from a c-section, and worried that Andrew and the girls would be embarrassed by me too. 

And though I have been exercising and eating healthy options, my weight loss journey has become a trial, and has been wearing me down little by little instead of encouraging me to keep going. And the answer to why this has happened is simple: I lost sight of who I am, and Who my worth comes from. 

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The Bible tells us that when we are in Christ, we become heirs with Christ, children of the Most High God. We are told that God adopts us as His own children, and loves us and cares for us, and that we will reign with Him forever.    

Do you realize what this means? I am a daughter of The King! The King of Kings, The Creator of the universe! God has called me His own, He has put His stamp on me, He has said I am enough. Just the way I am. 

And no, I may not look like Mom's I see at the store, I may never fit into a perfect size 6, but God has said I'm enough, no matter what size I am. God has given me worth, and no man on earth could ever take that away. 

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I'm sharing this deeply personal struggle with you all because I think there may be times in all of our lives when we struggle to find our true identity in Christ. There are times we feel worthless at our job, under appreciated at home, struggling to keep up with society, and placing false worth on things that are really fleeting and unimportant. 

In the end, all we will have are our souls, and I know that because of Christ and His sacrifice for me, my soul will reign forever with God, and it won't matter what my pant size was. When I am sitting at the throne of God, worshipping Him, and fulfilling the purpose of why I was truly created, it won't matter what status I held on earth. 

My worth lies in a greater place, my worth comes from my Savior, and I'm trying to keep my focus on that. 

When Hardship Comes

"For I am The Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you'."

 - Psalm 41:13

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The season of life I'm now in, has been the most difficult and challenging by far. I laugh now, because when I said "yes" to Andrew's proposal, I knew I would be gaining two children that I had not birthed, but at the time, I thought it would be easier. I thought that everything would fall into place perfectly, because God had put me here. 

But the truth that I'm learning is, hardship is part of life, whether we're in God's will or not.  Life is not easy, even when we're doing what God wants us to do. We must have challenges, we must face adversity, or our dependance on God would never increase. 

If parenting was easy, I wouldn't be crying out to God for direction and help. If raising children whose natural Mom died was easy, I wouldn't be calling on God for healing, restoration, and peace. 

None of this is easy, but it's what I'm supposed to do. 

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Being in God's will doesn't make life automatically easy, because we live in a fallen world, and as fallen people, hardship comes. So just because I am facing challenges with my children, it doesn't mean that I'm the wrong Mom for them, it just means we're normal, because hard times come to all of us. 

The good news, and what I've been holding onto the last few days, is that God has promised to take my hand, guide me, and help me. He will help me connect with my children, He will heal raw wounds, He will pour out love, and He will be my strength when I feel like I'm at the end of myself. 

Our God is not a god who is far off. He is real, alive, and active in our lives. He has given us The Holy Spirit, and He dwells within us. Therefore, everywhere I go, God goes too, and every challenge I face, God is there too, able to help me and give me the strength I need. 

Our God is a personal God. He loves us, cares for us, and never leaves us to face pain alone. God tells us not to be afraid, not to get overwhelmed, not to feel defeated, because He will help! 

That's our promise to carry around with us. No matter what comes, no matter how hard life seems, God is with us, and He will help. He is our leader and defender, and He will never leave us on our own. 

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The beautiful thing about God too, is we know He has promised to work all things out for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28), and that is our promise that God will one day bring complete peace and complete healing. Our trials will come to an end one day, and we will see God's glory. 

As God's children, we are able to taste and see how good our God is, when we call on Him, an when we ask for His help (Psalm 348). He has promised to always show up, to give us victory, and to give our pain purpose. 

Through every trial, we are being drawn nearer to our Good God, and though it may hurt from time to time, is there any place you'd rather be? Is there any place better than on the lap of my Comforter, holding onto His hand for my very life? 

Dear Christian, this is where we need to be. At the feet of our Savior, drawing from His strength. This is where our hearts are safe, and where our God can hold us tight and heal us. 

Allow Him to draw you in, allow Him to heal your heart.