Season of Pruning

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, 

While every branch that does bear fruit He prunes 

So that it will be even more fruitful."

- John 15:2 

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When Dad resigned from our church, I was heartbroken. I just couldn't wrap my mind around losing my Mom, and also losing this huge part of my Dad as well. I couldn't imagine what God was doing with our church, removing my Dad from a ministry that was thriving and growing, a ministry he'd been devoted to for over 25 years. I begged God for an answer, a way for me to understand what He was doing. I begged God to give me peace and direction, because inside my heart I felt so very lost and confused, filled with so many "Why" questions, and overflowing with grief not only for my Mom, but for my Dad as well. 

I only heard silence from Heaven for the first few weeks after Dad resigned, but then a guest speaker filled our pulpit one Sunday morning, and he read this familiar verse from John. But on that particular day, it was like I was reading the verse for the very first time, totally struck by the second half of this verse, and I believe God used that sermon to answer my questions. 

"…While every branch that DOES bear fruit He PRUNES so that it will be even MORE fruitful!"

I was struck by the truth that God prunes us, even when we're doing good work. 

He hadn't removed Dad from the pulpit because He had been doing something wrong, or was overseeing a dying ministry, but the complete opposite was revealed to me, God is pruning us, so that we can produce even more fruit. 

Pruning is incredibly painful, having parts of us removed or cut away. But I truly believe now that that's what God was doing when He called my Mom home the way He did, in the time that He did.  For whatever reason, God removed Mom from our lives, pruning us, requiring that we go on growing without her, producing even more fruit than we did when she was with us. We wouldn't have chosen this path, and some days I still struggle and ask God why, but He's surrounded me with peace that this is what He is doing. 

Likewise, within our church, God required pruning. He took away the pastor's wife, and then the pastor, leaving many people to question what was going to happen. We even had some people choose to leave, because they just couldn't handle seeing this pruning take place. But I believe that our churches growth required pruning, and that is why Dad has stepped down, and a new pastor will step in, in order to grow our church even more. 

No one asked for this, no one wanted it, but it's something God has required, for our good. 

It's encouraging to know that God doesn't hurt His children just to hurt them. He does require things of us, that's true, but He does it in order to grow us and mature us, and give more honor to Himself. We have to remember that we are on this Earth for the sole purpose of bringing glory and honor to our Almighty God in Heaven, and to reach the lost around us. We are not here to live comfortable lives, we are here to be servants of The Most High God. He requires more of us, but it's out of His great love that He prunes us, out of His great love that He matures us, and helps us grow. 

I can't imagine a more painful pruning than losing my Mom, and losing Dad as pastor. I can't imagine a harder season of life, but I'm convinced that all of this cutting away is maturing me in ways I never would have reached before, and I'm convinced God is doing it to produce more good things. More good things in our personal lives, and more good things in the life of our church. 

We are going through a season of pruning, a deep season of pain. But I am holding onto the promise that more fruit is coming, that good things are coming, and that one day, the wound won't be fresh and bleeding, but scared and healed, a dim reminder of the pain we've endured, and a testament to the path God has been faithful to walk us through. 

This season of pruning won't last forever, a harvest season will come. 

A Cloud of Witnesses

My journey through grief has been much harder the last few weeks, since bringing baby Maggie home. My heart aches to talk to my Mom, and sometimes I find myself speaking into the darkness, trying to reach her in Heaven. I have no idea how that works. I have no idea what our loved ones in Heaven can see and hear. I have no idea when God allows them to be present, to watch over us, to witness what's happening in our lives. Scripture just doesn't give us any answers about such things, and so we have to draw our own conclusions based on what we are told.

Hebrews 12:1 tells us that we are surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses", those who have gone before us, but we're not told who is in our cloud, or what exactly they can see. But what I know of God and His character, I've drawn the conclusion that Mom can hear me when I ask Him to let her. Our God is gracious and full of love, He is compassionate and kind. He knows our hearts completely, and is our Healer. I have to believe that when God knows I need my Mom most, that He allows that to happen. I may be completely wrong in this belief, but that's what it is, something my heart chooses to believe, embrace, and something that brings me comfort.

I have to believe that Mom can see my babies growing up. That she's with us in the special moments, and in the moments when we need her. I have to believe that Mom could see Maggie's birth and dedication, that she can hear Katelyn's new words, and see the way Abby and Lauren are maturing into adulthood. I have to believe that she sees me living out my life, trying to make her proud, and doing all I can to live the way she taught me. I have to believe that she is there in my cloud, witnessing all of these things, and drawing joy from them. Watching her family must be part of her reward, part of the treasure of being in Heaven, at least, that's what I choose to believe.

Sometimes our faith has to fill in the gaps of what we don't know. We just have to hold on, and believe that God cares for us, and is helping us work these things out. The truth is we will never know the answers to these questions until we get to Heaven, but for now, I'm sure God is patient with my weak understanding, and in time, will bring me the comfort I seek.