A Cloud of Witnesses

My journey through grief has been much harder the last few weeks, since bringing baby Maggie home. My heart aches to talk to my Mom, and sometimes I find myself speaking into the darkness, trying to reach her in Heaven. I have no idea how that works. I have no idea what our loved ones in Heaven can see and hear. I have no idea when God allows them to be present, to watch over us, to witness what's happening in our lives. Scripture just doesn't give us any answers about such things, and so we have to draw our own conclusions based on what we are told.

Hebrews 12:1 tells us that we are surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses", those who have gone before us, but we're not told who is in our cloud, or what exactly they can see. But what I know of God and His character, I've drawn the conclusion that Mom can hear me when I ask Him to let her. Our God is gracious and full of love, He is compassionate and kind. He knows our hearts completely, and is our Healer. I have to believe that when God knows I need my Mom most, that He allows that to happen. I may be completely wrong in this belief, but that's what it is, something my heart chooses to believe, embrace, and something that brings me comfort.

I have to believe that Mom can see my babies growing up. That she's with us in the special moments, and in the moments when we need her. I have to believe that Mom could see Maggie's birth and dedication, that she can hear Katelyn's new words, and see the way Abby and Lauren are maturing into adulthood. I have to believe that she sees me living out my life, trying to make her proud, and doing all I can to live the way she taught me. I have to believe that she is there in my cloud, witnessing all of these things, and drawing joy from them. Watching her family must be part of her reward, part of the treasure of being in Heaven, at least, that's what I choose to believe.

Sometimes our faith has to fill in the gaps of what we don't know. We just have to hold on, and believe that God cares for us, and is helping us work these things out. The truth is we will never know the answers to these questions until we get to Heaven, but for now, I'm sure God is patient with my weak understanding, and in time, will bring me the comfort I seek.