My Best Friend

"But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

- Proverbs 18:24

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Since losing my Mom, I've been forced to learn a lot of things, change my habits, and reconcile with a new way of doing life. One of the hardest things for me has been accepting the hole in my life where my Mom used to be. I thought that I could simply patch over the hole, ignore the hole, and depend on others to naturally fill the hole. But no matter how much my heart tries to come up with an easy fix, there is just no way I can fill that empty space. That space belonged to my Mom, my best friend, and no one can fill her role, or be her stand in. 

It hurts to feel so alone. I've never experienced this before, and my heart is just so sad and lonely. Mom knew everything about me, accepted me as I was, pushed me to be better, encouraged me, and loved me unconditionally. I shared my life with her, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And realizing that there's no one left on Earth that I can have that relationship with, hurts. Women understand women, and Mom's understand daughters, and there's just no replacing that relationship. Andrew can't do it, Dad can't do it, the ladies in my church can't do it, and my friends can't do it. 

There's just a hole in my heart that will never be filled. 

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Looking at this through spiritual eyes, I know I need to let Jesus fill the hole in my heart. I know I need to learn to depend on Him, go to Him when I need someone to talk to, and rely on His love, tenderness, care and concern in the ways that I used to depend on my Mom. 

God will fill my aching heart back up, if I could only learn to carry it to Him when I'm hurting... 

I've never needed God to be my best friend. I've never needed God in such a deep way, that leaves me crying out in desperation. But I'm at that point now, and God is teaching me that I have to surrender to Him, and treat Him like the God He promises to be. 

Proverbs 18:24 tells us that we have a friend who is closer than a brother, and that friend is Jesus. He knows everything we are going through, every thought we have before we speak. He knows the beginning and the end, and He knows what we need. He is always present, always loving, always working on our behalf, and always loyal. He promises to be our best friend, if we only let Him. 

So often we let our Earthly relationships fill up our time and priorities. Because our Earthly relationships are tangible and visible, we somehow let them take the place of our best friend, Jesus. But in losing my Mom, I'm realizing that I've had this wrong all along. Though it was good for me to love my Mom the way I did, and have a deep relationship with her, I never should have let her replace the spot that God claims in my life. My Mom was my dearest friend, but she wasn't my savior, and losing her has helped me put my relationship with God into true perspective. As humans, it's easy to put our trust on things seen, on people seen, but we should never lose sight of Who our true best friend is, and we should never let anything on Earth replace our relationship with God. 

It took losing my Mom for me to see this, and I'm trying hard now to cling to Jesus for my every need, understanding more fully that this is what He has always desired for me to do. I suppose this is true for every Christian, as we walk through life. Are we really letting God have the spot in our life that He desires? Are we replacing Him with Earthly relationships? Is our perspective off? Mine was, and slowly, God is fixing it. 

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LORD, help me to rely on You today. Help me to call upon Your name when I am feeling so alone, and help me to see that You truly are my best friend. Heal the places in my heart that are broken and lonely, and fill me up with You. I know You are enough.