A Letter to Maggie: On Your Dedication

Sweet Maggie Maloy,

God answered so many prayers when He gave you to us, so many prayers that I didn’t even know my heart was asking for. When we learned we were pregnant with you, life looked very different. Our family looked very different, and all we knew then was complete joy and celebration, so excited that you would be joining our family.

During my pregnancy with you, heartbreak struck, and Grandma Rose went to be with Jesus in Heaven. Our family went through a devastating time, one I wasn’t sure we’d ever be able to get through. I wasn’t sure I’d have anything to offer you, sweet girl, because I was so very broken inside. But then you came into our world, and God began some healing in my heart, sparking a part of my soul that I thought had died. You brought me hope. You brought our family hope, and a joy that we so desperately needed.

God knew we needed you, Maggie, and He designed all of this from the very beginning. He knew all along what would happen this year, and He planned for you to arrive at just the right time to restore our faith. God has been in control all along, our lives are ordained by Him, and we belong to our Father God, Who designs good things for us.

You are beautifully and uniquely made by The God of Heaven who loves you so very much. You will fulfill His purposes and plans in a way that only you can, and I aways want you to know deep down in your heart what a treasure you are. You are a daughter of The King, and nothing, and no one, can ever steal away your worth.

Daddy and I will do all we can to raise you up in the secure love of our Father. We will teach you how to walk with Jesus, and learn His desires for your life. We will help you and encourage you, reminding you of what a gift you are, and point you back to scripture as you navigate life. We will raise you to grow in the power of our resurrected King, and live in the freedom and grace that God so lovingly pours out on His children. We will create a safe and loving home for you, a place you can always return to, and find shelter from the world. We will love you unconditionally, and always praise God for you, and acknowledge the priceless gift that you are.

God has given you to us, but we know that you belong to God first, and we commit your little life over to Him, knowing that you are safe in His arms. The plans He has for you are good, and we can’t wait to watch you accomplish them, and go on to do great things in The Name of our Savior. We will always pray for your safety, protection, and good health, and for your feet to remain firmly planted in the Word of God.

Keep growing strong little one, this world needs you, needs the hope that you can offer, and the joy you have in your heart. Your Mommy and Daddy love you, and will always be right here by your side, cheering you on.

All our love,

Mommy & Daddy

Welcome to our World

Sweet Maggie,

Meeting you was like a sweet balm for my heart. The nurses laid you against my face, and all I could do was cry, so overcome with love for you, and completely amazed that you were finally here, finally part of our world.

There were times during my pregnancy with you, that I just didn’t know if we’d make it. I had contractions early on, when we lost your Grandma, and I got so worried. My heart was broken, and I didn’t know if my body had enough strength to carry you, but the thought of anything else completely ripped me apart. I needed you, Maggie, I needed you then, and I need you now, you are my heart’s hope.

You are God’s promise to me that life keep’s going after loss. You are my heart’s redemption, my renewal, my reason to be. God has revealed His goodness again, in bringing you to us. He’s breathed in new life, restored our joy, and increased our faith. In giving you to us, He has restored my hope: hope to keep going, to keep fighting the good fight, to keep believing in good things, and to keep trusting my Heavenly Father, even when things appear bad.

God’s still answering prayer, because you are here. You are proof. So many people prayed for us, prayed for you, prayed for your safe arrival, and now you’re here, and you’re perfect, and healthy, and ours.

Your sweetness brings me so much comfort and peace, and I am so thankful for you, and the gift that you are. You must always know what a complete treasure you are, and know how very much you are loved. You fit perfectly into our family, rounding us out, and giving us a sense of wholeness. You belong here, as if you’ve always been.

This first week with you has been a joy, and I thank God for you, and for the life He has planned for our family. He will continue to do great things, Maggie. He will continue to use you for His glory, and He will work out His good plan in your life.

Always know, that no matter what comes, our God is still good, and worthy of our praise. You are loved, and you are purposed, and you are safe in the arms of Jesus. You have only just begun this great journey of life, but knowing these things is all you will need. You are so precious to us, and to our LORD, and I can’t wait to watch you grow and see all the thing you will do.

Welcome to our world, Maggie. We’re so glad you’re here.

All my love,

Momma

God's Plan for My Life

I started writing this the day I went into labor with Maggie, not knowing I was in labor. I had it up on the computer when Andrew got home, and said: "I can't work on this right now, I'm in too much pain" having no clue that our baby would be arriving in just a few hours. I just found it on the computer again today, and thought it was still worth sharing. 

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June 25, 2016:


I haven't written in a while because the words in my heart have been jumbled, I've been feeling out of sorts and emotional. We are scheduled to welcome our baby girl into our world in just 6 short days, and that reality is surely doing a number on my heart.

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I've been so overcome with sadness the last few weeks, desperately longing for my Mom. I want to experience this with her, have her sit by my hospital bed and hold my hand, whisper reassuring words, and explain all of the medical things that I don't understand. She was the greatest nurse, and her spirit brought so much comfort and peace, and I've been aching for her, missing her comfort in such an overwhelming way. 

My Mom is gone. She's never coming back. And there are just days where I can't quite wrap my mind around that fact, can't quite bring myself to accept it. 

Day to day activities are so much easier to handle, mundane things that don't mean much. I can go about my life for a while, ignoring the pain….but bringing my child into the world? Yeah, that's a milestone where Mom should be. 

Mom should be waiting for us in recovery, she should be holding my baby girl when I wake up, tear stains on her face, telling me how beautiful Maggie is, and how I did good. She should be here for a 3rd generation photo, to pick out cute little outfits, and to hear her soft coos. Mom should be here for snuggles, bedtime songs, and bubble baths. She should be here for all of the firsts, all of the excitement, all of the joy. 

She should be here, but she's not, and there's no way to share this with her. That reality just doesn't seem fair, doesn't seem right, and doesn't feel like something I want to do. 

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Coming to terms with this is hard, and it's harder still because I'm battling with a God I've always loved, always believed in, and never questioned. 

How do I reconcile my pain, and all of this heartache, with a good God, Who doesn't do bad things? How do I keep on praying for peace and comfort, when I don't feel comforted? How do I keep living out my witness to a broken world, when I, myself, am broken? 

Let me make this one thing clear: deep down in my heart of hearts, I still know, deeply know, that God is here with me. I know He hasn't changed in the last 3.5 months since losing Mom, I know He's still good, and I still know He's working all things out for our good. 

But it doesn't feel good. 

It doesn't feel right. 

And right now, I just can't see beyond the pain. 

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Andrew told me last night: "Maybe you're just supposed to feel this pain right now. Maybe it's not so much that God's not answering your prayers for comfort at all, but rather, telling you 'No, you need to feel this.'" And knowing God the way I do, I suppose he's right. 

God wouldn't have me go through this if there wasn't a greater purpose. He wouldn't require pain that wasn't meant for my ultimate good. Right now, through my aching heart, those reasons just don't feel good enough. I'd rather have my Mom here than learn a faith lesson. I'd rather go on living my life the way it was with Mom than go through this valley of darkness and despair. But God requires more. He requires that His children give their all to follow Him. He requires sacrifice, and discomfort. And in His great love for me, He desires more for me: deeper faith, deeper understanding, deeper communion with Him, and a deeper love, completely committed to Him. 

This is the story God requires, the plan He has for my life.  I have to keep trusting Him through it, and trusting that He'll see me through.