Thy Will be Done

"Our Father, which art in heaven,

Hallowed be Thy Name.

Thy Kingdom come. 

Thy will be done on earth, 

As it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive them that trespass against us. 

And lead us not into temptation, 

But deliver us from evil. 

For Thine is the kingdom, 

The power, 

And the glory forever. 

Amen."

-Matthew 6:9-13

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As a child, I was taught this passage, The LORD's Prayer. I wasn't aware at that young age how difficult living out this prayer would be. And until Mom died, I never had a problem with it. The words rolled off my tongue and heart, easy to accept and easy to say. My untested heart never imagined the commitment these words brought, or how difficult they would one day become. 

But Mom's death brought on a new sort of trial that I've never experienced, and never expected: I questioned God's will. 

I questioned God. 

I got mad. 

I got upset. 

I demanded answers from The Almighty God of Heaven. 

The fourth line of this prayer became impossible for me to pray. "Thy will be done" became such a painful phrase, ripping my heart out. How could my Mom's death be part of God's good plan…and if it was, how was I supposed to accept that, and bend my knee to God and declare "Thy will be done!"? How could my aguish line up with my good God, and the good plan He has for this world? 

Saying the words "Thy will be done" means that I'm willing to accept whatever God gives, and now knowing how much pain life can actually bring, I don't want to say those words, because I don't want to accept the painful parts. I don't want to live a life without my Mom, I don't want to live my life in pain, missing her, and watching the grief of my family. 

I've struggled for weeks with this contradiction, but yesterday I heard a song on the radio that caught me off guard, and I began to cry. I knew I had rebelled long enough, and knew God was calling me back to Himself. 

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I knew in my heart that I had to surrender. I knew what God required, and as much as it hurt to surrender my will, I knew it was His that I ultimately sought. God's love for me drew me back in, and let me know that I could surrender to Him, because His love for me is that great. 

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I declare that He is LORD…LORD over my life, LORD over my death, and LORD over my world. I have to bend my knee to Him, and accept all that He declares "good" in my life. He is in control, and I have to let Him be in control, even when it hurts me. 

Sitting here, in the midst of my grief, I have no idea what God's plan is, or what He's working out. I have no idea what He is doing. But there's freedom in letting God work, and there's peace in letting God be in control. Because of His love, I know I'll be OK, whatever comes. 

In spite of the agony, I know that God's ways are higher, and His plans better, and in the midst of this season of pain and questions, I've had to recommit my life to Christ, and tell Him that yes, I do still trust You; yes, I do still love You, and yes…even when it hurts…Thy will be done.