Shine

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." 

-Matthew 5:14

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I can't even count how many times people have said to me: "Wow, you're a pastor's wife? That must be a lot of pressure!" And though, I admit to you, that yes, there are times of pressure, overall my life hasn't changed all that much. 

Because being in ministry isn't any different than being at a normal job, I still live my life the same way, I'm still the same person, I still look the same as I always have…because long ago Christ came into my heart, and His light has been within me, and I spend my life trying to reflect His goodness. 

My light hadn't changed, but just it's location. 

I no longer go to a 9-5 job. I don't work in a cubical and eat lunch in a cafeteria, so my sphere of influence is very different now, but it's still up to me to find ways to let God's light shine through me. It's still my job to be a lamp to the dark world around me. 

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I've been trying to teach the girls that even at their young age, they still have a job to do for Christ. At their age, their job is to go to school, and while there, their job is to be a light to their friends. I tell them that they have to dress different, talk different, listen to different music, and have different standards, because they represent Christ, and He calls us to be different. 

It's hard to be a kid in today's world, but this is the stage they're at, and God has called them to be His little lights to their classmates and teachers. 

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A lot of times I hear people say that ministry is for pastors and missionaries, but that's a mistake. We are all called to minister, we are all called to be lights on a hill. 

Whatever line of work you find yourself in, and whatever stage of life, young or old, you have a job to do, you have a light to shine. 

Ministry has a way of changing as we transition through life, but the very way we live our lives becomes our ministry. We are walking witnesses to the glory and faithfulness of God, and it's our example that will catch people's eye. They are looking, and watching, and it's up to us to show them what they need: God's amazing love and transforming power. 

And because we carry our light within us, our ministry never ends. From a young child, to a grey-haired elder late in life…our ministry grows and matures with us, and it won't be complete until God calls us home. 

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As God's children, we are all in ministry, no matter our occupation or age. God has lit a light within us, and it's our job to shine. 

El-Olam: The Everlasting God

"Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

    The Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

    and His understanding no one can fathom.

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He gives strength to the weary

    and increases the power of the weak."

-Isaiah 40:28-29

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I keep telling myself that this is just the stage of life that I'm in, but can I just be honest and tell you all how hard it is to feel so tired all the time? There are times that I feel so stretched, pulled thin, and overwhelmed that I wonder how I'll ever get everything done that needs to be done. 

Tonight, I was feeling very much like a failure, realizing my own good intentions of being a good wife, good mom, good home-maker, good pastors wife, good daughter, good sister, good friend…and how often I fail to meet even my own standard, let alone those of my loved ones around me. 

It's easy to get worn down in this life, when it seems like pressure is closing in from all sides, but I was reminded tonight that my strength needs to come from God, not from myself. I am not capable of doing it all, I am not strong enough to handle all of the tasks, wade through all of the emotional drama, juggle schedules, and keep a calm heart through it all…but I have good news:

My God is. 

My God is El-Olam, another Name that's important for us to memorize. This name of God gives us the promise that our God is The Everlasting God, The God who does not tire, and does not grow weary. Not only that, but this name of God also gives us the promise that God will give us strength when we are tired, and give our spirits power when we feel completely drained. 

Our God steps in and saves the day, and gives us strength when we're at the end of ourselves. More so, what's so encouraging for me, is this promise that I don't have to do it alone. God is my strength, and He will give me what I need to do the work He has placed before me. 

There are times when I'll hear myself saying: "But what if I can't do it, what if I don't have what it takes?" and this verse comes to mind: "Do you not know, have you not heard? The LORD is The Everlasting God!" And I am reminded once again, He did this, He put me here, and He will equip me for every step that I will need to take. 

I am not walking this path alone. El-Olam walks with me, being my Everlasting God, providing me with the strength I need. 

This promise is what allows me to keep going, to try another day. Knowing that my God is with me, and doesn't slumber or sleep. He sees it all, is with me through it all, and will be my strength, no matter my need. 

My El-Olam, my Everlasting God, will always see me through. 

 

Jehovah-Rapha: The LORD Our Healer

We've had a really full weekend of traveling, visiting family, reuniting with old friends, church and camping, and now that we're back home, I feel like I need a weekend to recover from my weekend! Beyond that, Katelyn woke up from her evening nap yesterday completely congested and showing signs of a cold. This is the first time she's been sick, so I, of course, was a little concerned. Thankfully, the cold has stayed up in her nose and she is breathing fine and not at all congested in her chest. 

Last night as I was praying before bed, praying for my baby girl and her protection, I was reminded of the many names of God, and reminded that my God is Jehovah-Rapha, our Healer. I think so many times we look to God to heal our big problems, to heal our big sicknesses, but I'm convinced that God cares about our little problems too, even the stuffy nose of my 5 month old. 

I was comforted to know that my God, The Creator of the universe, The King of Kings, my Healer, cares about my baby, and is watching over her and keeping her safe. I told my Mom, I wish I could give Katelyn something to make the cold better, some type of medication, because then at least I would feel like I'm helping her, but at this stage, there's nothing that can be done except to offer love and comfort. Jahovah-Rapha is holding my baby girl, He is caring for her, healing her, and seeing to her problem. He is better at taking care of her than I ever could be, and I was reminded that I need to let go, and trust her again to The God who created her and loves her so deeply. 

Our God is our Healer. The Healer of our big things, and The Healer of our little things. He sees our broken bodies, our broken spirits, our broken hearts. He knows the places within us that need extra care and attention, and no matter is too big or too small for Him. He is our ultimate Healer, and He will always take care of our need. 

I wonder how many things we try to fix ourselves, how many problems we take on and try to heal within our own power, when really, we should be giving those sicknesses over to our God, and letting Him be our Healer and care-giver. I wonder how many times we actually get in the way of the healing God's trying to do in our lives. And I wonder, if life would be easier all around, if we were just able to surrender. 

Our God is our Healer, and His desire is to take our broken parts and make us whole in Him. 

Will you let Him heal you today? 

Stages

"There is a time for everything, 

and a season for every activity under the heavens." 

- Ecclesiastes 3:1

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On the way home from a bridal shower today, with Katelyn chattering in the backseat, Andrew and I were reminiscing about our own place in life. We are no longer newly-weds, no longer at the stage in our relationship when everything is new. Instead, we've jumped ahead to a busy, full life, with 3 children, sport schedules, instrument lessons, choral concerts, work, and budget planning. 

It seems like just yesterday that I was at my own bridal shower, still unsure of what marriage and motherhood would bring. But now I'm in full swing, up to my neck in laundry and house repair to-do lists, and my time is spent very differently now than it was in the past. Andrew and I looked at each other and smiled, admitting to one another how tired we were, but laughing just the same because we know that this is the stage we're in right now, and someday we'll look back on these busy days and wish we had them back. This is the stage of life we're in, and we recognize that we need to embrace it now. 

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It's important that Solomon wrote about this simple understanding in life: "There is a time for everything…" because though this is a simple truth, so often we forget it. So often we get bogged down in life wishing our situation would change, instead of embracing where we are: ..."I'll never get a better job", "I'll never sleep again", "the kids will never learn", "I'll never get married", "I'll never have kids"…but the truth is, God has given our lives stages for a reason, there is a time in our lives for everything, and God is the One in charge of that timing. And each season He brings us through is meant to help us, to bless us, and to draw us closer to Him. 

Our lives are full of seasons, they are always changing, and this reminder that Solomon gives us is important to help us to remember that, indeed, God is always working, and bringing us through stages in life. 

There may be seasons of waiting, seasons of pain, season of seemingly unanswered prayers, seasons of misbehaving children, seasons of sleepless nights, and seasons where everything seems to go wrong…but knowing WHO my God is, also assures me that there will be seasons of joy, seasons of good health, seasons of answered prayer, seasons of growth, seasons of blessing, and seasons of over-abundance. 

Our God is a good God, and His timing is always good for us. He knows exactly what we need, and what season we are in. He will sustain us, He will help us, and even through the rough seasons, He has us exactly where we need to be. 

No One is Immune

"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." 

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. 

You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, 

"If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." 

- James 4:13-15

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We had a funeral today for a man we met a little under a year ago. He was young, and leaves behind a wife and children, the smallest being a 2 yr old baby girl. In preparing for the funeral, I went with Andrew to visit with the family yesterday, and sat quietly across from the widow, a woman now left to raise her 4 children alone. She held out her phone to me, to show me a video she had recently taken at the park. The father swung on the swing, baby girl in his lap, and they were both laughing, looking up at the camera. I knew then that any strength I had previously had was now gone, and the tears began to fall. Tears for this widow, tears for her babies, tears for the milestones ahead where this father and husband would be missed, and somehow, even tears for me, as I came face to face with my own mortality, and that of my own husband. 

Death happens to us all. 

No one is immune. 

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On the way to the funeral today, I told Andrew: "I've always believed that Jesus will come back in my lifetime, and my loved ones and I won't have to die, because Jesus will come back before then." And it's true, I've believed that for a long time. But when I thought about why I believed that, it's not necessarily because our times are so much different than that of previous generations in comparison to the end-times described in scripture, but more so, because of my own denial over the fact that my loved ones will die one day. I've never wanted to face that. I've never wanted to entertain that thought, because my reality without my family is not a reality I want to live in. It hurts too much to even think about. So somewhere through my childhood, I told myself that Jesus would come for me, that He knew my heart, and that He'd make it all OK. As an adult, I still tell myself that, but, unfortunately, I'm no longer so naive to think that pain won't hit home. 

Pain does it home. 

No one is immune. 

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There's a certain urgency that overtakes me when I think about the possibility of dying young. I want to leave letters for the girls, videos of us laughing together, talking, singing. I want to say all of the things they've never heard, or the words I was too embarrassed to say. I want to tell Andrew how deeply happy I am, how he changed my world, my heart, how I never would have known true love and joy had he not entered my life. I want my family to know how much I love them, how blessed I am by them, and how thankful I am that God placed me here, in this life. 

This urgency pushes me to live life sweeter, to live life fuller. 

But the problem is, so often we lose sight of why we're really on this earth, and we lose sight of what really happens. We lose our urgency, and we go back to living lives that are overworked, under appreciated, and dull. We make plans to do things that don't really matter, and we fill our days with "stuff" instead of with the joy of living, which Christ intended for us. 

We are only vapors, here but for a moment. 

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Today we buried Dave, and he no longer has the chance to live with his family and friends. He can't come back and redo anything, and he can't come back for birthdays or holidays or lazy rainy days or just the mundane days. His time here was up, and God called him home. 

And fellow Christian, we never know when God is going to call us home too...

So shouldn't we be living in urgency? Shouldn't we be living these days as if they're our last, and being sure to live well, and love well, and embrace what God has given? 

Yes, we should. Because we never know how much time we have left. 

Death happens to us all.

No one is immune. 

Loving Those Who Hurt Us

"Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 

Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, 

but up to seventy times seven." 

- Matthew 18: 21-22

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I've got a dear friend who is going through one of the deepest pains that anyone could ever face. And in the midst of her pain, she has chosen to keep loving the person who has hurt her. The other night she looked at me, and said: "Why do I do that? Why do I keep loving people who hurt me? Why can't I be mean?" And I looked her in the eye, and said: "Because God told you to turn the other cheek, and you listened! You're being obedient!"

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As Christians, we aren't supposed to look like the world. We aren't supposed to love like the world. We aren't supposed to forgive like the world. We are supposed to reflect Christ, and He never did fit in here on earth. Christ was radical, living very differently than those around Him. 

The world would tell us to turn our back on those who hurt us, but Christ calls us to keep offering love. The world would tell us that love is temporary, and you can move on to the next fish in the sea, but to God, marriage is a holy union, and it isn't temporary. The world would tell you to hold a grudge, to get revenge, and to fight back when others hurt us, but Christ tells us to let it go, to forgive, and to keep forgiving over and over and over again. 

We are called to look different. 

But what happens when Christians fall into the same selfish trap that the world is in? What happens when our attitudes reflect pop culture more than The God within us? What happens when our hearts are broken, and we lose sight of what's really true? 

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This is when we have to go back to our Rock, The One who demonstrated pure love, true forgiveness, and a humble heart. We have to go back to Christ, and His words for us. 

As I said, Christ was different. He came into this world, and immediately, He didn't fit in. He taught radical lessons: forgive those who hurt you, turn the other cheek, don't store up riches on earth, don't look at the outside of a person, but the inside, love unconditionally. These lessons He taught were new, and were hard for people to understand, and sometimes, they still are. 

When Peter asked: "How many times should I forgive, LORD?" I think He was hoping for an out. He was hoping for a release, and we all know what that's like. We've all been there. But Jesus turns and says: "Always forgive". 

The human side of us wants to seek revenge, wants to do anything to feel better, even if just for a moment. But our spiritual hearts know better. Because as Christians, Christ has changed us, and our hearts now reflect Him, and these radical teachings. We are not content living as the world lives, and eventually, we must go back to Christ, and find our truth in Him. 

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He will help us live better. He will help us love better. He will help us forgive better. 

And when we go to Him, and obey His teachings, our hearts will always find peace. 

Finding Balance

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."

- James 4:8

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I'm sorry for the silence on this blog lately. To be honest, I severely underestimated how hard it would be to find an hour in my day to write, with a baby in the house. The bigger she gets, the busier she becomes, and when I'm lucky enough for her to take an hour nap, there's laundry to wash and fold and put away, dishes that need to be done, groceries to unpack, and 2 other kids with busy schedules themselves. And then there's homework hour, parent teacher conferences, softball practice and games, church meetings, daily workouts, devotional time with Andrew, the dreaded bedtime routine, and before I know it, it's midnight, and I've gone another day without writing.

I started this blog to help encourage people, but I also started it to discipline myself and ensure that I would take time every day to study scripture, and write about what I'm learning. And after a couple of months of dedicated writing, I fell away.

Isn't that just like us, in our relationship with God? We allow the busyness of life to take us away from studying scripture, from taking time to pray, from taking time to meditate on His word, and even just to be still and allow His Spirit to talk to us. We fill our days with a million little things, and how many of those tasks are even important?

Am I working for The Kingdom, or am I working for momentary happiness?

I'm realizing, as I learn more about being a wife and Mom, that there must be a balance in this life. Of course I need to take care of my family and home, and I need to take time for my personal health and well-being, but even more importantly, I need to take time for God.

So in my always-striving-for- perfection life, what does this balance look like? Maybe it means that the last hour of my night is spent in personal devotion time instead of straightening the house. Maybe it means my throw pillows will be off-kilter when I go to bed, and the coffee table may have discarded bottles or cups that still need to be washed. But will my spirit be more at rest, and ready for sleep? Will I sleep through the night without concerns keeping me awake?

Maybe finding this balance means that I let go of my need for perfection, and for everything in my life to be "just so", and let life unfold as it does around me from time to time, because I'm focusing on things more important. Kingdom things. Spiritual things.

I started this blog to help other people, but perhaps it's helped me the most, in understanding how important daily time with God is.

Time spent with Jesus is never wasted, and we'll never reach a place where we've learned enough or know it all. We are in constant need of maturing, and growing in knowledge of our LORD and Savior. And we know that He will bless our time spent with Him, He will meet us, and reveal Himself to us.

So here's to finding balance, here's to cutting away time and rededicating myself to learn, write, and grow.

I hope you'll join me.

The God of Every Story

"...You're the God of every story,

No matter what I'm going through.

I may not understand, You are God and I am just a man.

Yeah I'm forever trusting in Your plan.

One thing is certain

You are faithful, You're a faithful God…"

Laura Story "God Of Every Story"

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I happen to love the music that Laura Story makes. Her songs are personal, inspiring, speaking truth I need to surround myself with, and always point me towards our good God. I've been dwelling on this song: "God of Every Story" a lot this last week, thinking about how true it is that God's faithfulness is so easy to see in our lives, when we simply take the time to look back on our individual stories. Our God IS The God of every story, and He's writing our lives out in such a perfectly orchestrated way. 

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I look at my life right now, with my husband sitting next to me, my baby girl lying in her crib across the room, and our other two daughters sleeping upstairs, and I am completely blown away at how drastic a life can change in just a matter of months. 

26 months ago, I didn't even know Andrew. I didn't know if I'd ever get married, and I didn't think I'd ever have any kids. I dreamed and prayed for the day when I would meet the man I was supposed to marry, but for years and years that prayer went unanswered. I waited a long time, not dating anyone, and somewhere after college, I began to believe that I would stay single forever. I believed God was calling me to a life of singleness, and that His plan for me wouldn't ever include a husband or children of my own. 

My heart ached for years, as I watched all of my friends and family fall in love, marry, and begin to have babies. I rejoiced with them. I loved being an aunt and bridesmaid, but in the back of my heart, I was broken. At the end of each celebration, and holiday, I wondered in my lonely heart if I'd ever have anyone to love. 

I remember knowing in my heart that God was still good, but I hurt. Despite the ache in my heart, I did my best to maintain a good attitude, and I remained faithful to what God was asking of me. I remained single, I remained pure, I worked hard at my job and photography business, and I tried to be happy in the life that I had, even if it wasn't what I wanted. 

When I first met Andrew, I kept waiting for the shoe to drop. I kept waiting for him to change his mind. I kept waiting to wake up from the dream, because it was all so foreign and unexpected. In the middle of a dark winter, God brought joy into my heart, and finally answered the prayer we had all prayer for for so long: a husband, and children. 

My life changed in a matter of days, and when God's plan was finally revealed, I never looked back. I knew Andrew was the one, and my parents knew too. I had been waiting all those years for him, and for his daughters. And all the waiting made sense, and all the heartache didn't matter anymore, because God had been faithful. 

I look at my life now, through tear-blurred eyes, and I can tangibly SEE God's faithfulness. I see His hand of mercy and goodness, because here I am, married, and a mom. God not only allowed me to marry the man I love, and give me children to care for, but He also allowed me to be pregnant and carry my own baby within me, because He knew my heart longed for that. I look at Katelyn, and the beautiful little gift that she is, and she's my proof that God's plans are worth waiting for. My family is God's grace to me, God's answered prayers, God's faithfulness, on plain display for all the world to see. 

You are faithful. You're a faithful God. 

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I went on a date with my cousin, Brittany, the other day, and sat listening to her talk about her life, and I don't think I could have been happier or more filled with joy. I could see the change in her, I could see God's love reflected in her heart, and in every minute that passed, I saw answered prayer. 

I thought back through the years we had grown up together, through the hard times we had faced, and I remembered specific times when my heart had been broken for hers. But sitting in that donut shop the other day, my heart was rejoicing, because I could see God's faithfulness being played out. I saw God heal my cousin, I saw Him change her. 

Brittany has always had a special place in my heart. She's 2 years younger than me, and growing up, she was always the cousin I gravitated towards. When we got older, Brittany became my heart project. She may not have known it at the time, but I had made it my mission long ago to help her and look after her. I tried to protect her, I tried to keep her close enough so I knew what she was into, even if she didn't know I knew. She kept things pretty well concealed, but when you know someone so well, it's impossible to hide completely. I knew where Britt's life was headed, I knew the pain in her heart, and I knew she was searching in all the wrong places. But what's cool about this story, is that Brittany and I never talked about this stuff. We knew we loved each other, and that was as far as it ever went. I kept my prayers to myself, kept my concerns wrapped up, and quietly watched from afar, asking God to look after her and keep her from harm. I knew God would save her, I just didn't know when. 

Last year I began to see changes in her, and Andrew and I began praying even harder. We knew God was working, and doing big things, and I knew it was our job to reach out and help her. Her heart was finally ready for council, she was finally listening, and it was amazing. 

It's still amazing, and I am still rejoicing! My God answered one of the biggest heartaches in my life, He saved my dear cousin. The one who grew up beside me, laughed with me, cried with me, allowed me to be myself, supported me, stood up for me in our wedding…my dear Brittany, God saved her. And in so doing, He proved again just how faithful He is. 

God heard every prayer. He walked with her through every lost day. He protected her through every poor choice, and He worked His perfect plan out in her life, even when she wasn't looking for it. 

God was faithful. 

And the beautiful thing, is that this is only the beginning of her story, and what God will do. He is just starting a new life in her, and He won't leave her unfinished. Her story will be beautiful and complete, reflecting God's goodness, and bringing Him glory. He will keep doing a good work in her life, and He will see her through to completion. I'm so excited to see it unfold, I'm so excited to see what God will do, because we serve an amazing God, and He is in the business of restoration. 

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These testimonies and personal and true. My life is living proof that God is good, and that God is faithful. He is the God of every story, and He does care about what we're going through. Nothing is too hard or too big for Him. No heartache is too deep or too dark for Him to heal. He is always working for our good, He is always restoring, and answering prayer. 

I am so overwhelmed, my heart is so full. 

God is good, and He sees you, right where you are tonight. 

Trust Him to work in your life, trust Him to answer your hearts desire. 

He will, He's always faithful.