I Will Praise You

"...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." - Psalm 139:14

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This verse is in the middle of one of the most popular Psalms that David ever wrote. This is the Psalm that people use when they talk about the wonder of God creating us, knitting us together in our mother's womb. This is the Psalm we go to when we refer to God knowing us completely: knowing when we sleep and when we rise; where we go when we need reassurance that no matter how dark things get, that there is no where we can go to flee from God's presence. This Psalm is jam packed with "good stuff", it's a good one to memorize and carry with us, because it speaks so much to the nature and heart of God:

He is Creator

He is personal

He is all-knowing

He is everywhere we go

He is constant

He is present

He is involved

He is devoted
He is loving
He is purposeful
He is good

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This Psalm is one of the first I ever memorized as a girl, loving the words written about my God who made me, embracing the words that told me God loved me as I was.

As a young girl, and into my adolescent years, I really struggled with low self-esteem. Though I knew I was made in the God's image, (Genesis 1:27) I struggled with not looking like everyone else. I struggled with my frizzy wavy hair that never fit the current styles, I struggled with my thick thighs that weighed me down in gym class, I struggled with my strength that made the boys want to arm wrestle me, I struggled with my general "largeness" in comparison to all the pretty girls in my class. I wanted to be tall and lanky, blond and blue-eyed, I wanted my curves to be in all the right places, but no matter what I did, that never happened. 

One of the things I remember most about my adolescence, were the many diets I put myself on. I tried everything: diet pills, diet drink mixes, exercise routines, personal trainers, pretty much anything I could think to do that my parents would agree to. Looking back, I thank God that He protected me, and gave me the parents He did, because ultimately it was their love that prevented me from going down a darker path in my struggles with weight. From my Freshman year in high school to my college graduation, my weight fluctuated so much and so often that I had a steady full wardrobe in a range of 3 sizes, so whatever size I was that month, I would have something to wear.

It was somewhere in college, that my issues with low self-esteem began to lessen. I had submerged myself in things I was good at. I was studying fine art, and in my art classes, I seemed to flourish. People looked to me for help, inspiration even. I received great feedback from my professors, and to my amazement, I began to make friends who hadn't grown up with me, yet, accepted me for who I was. It was a transition time for me. When I began to embrace who I was, and who God had made me to be.

It was in those transition years, that I went back to this Psalm, and was struck by verse 14: "...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." I had been a solid, dedicated Christian my whole life, I had praised God for so many things throughout my life, knowing that He was an amazing God. I was in love with Jesus, my Savior, had given my life to Him...and yet, I was struck by this verse. 

Can you imagine what hit me? 

I had never, in my 20 something years of being saved, praised God for making ME the way He had. Not once. 

Sure, I had told God all the bad ways I was made. I complained about my looks, I made sure He knew about all the things I hated about myself, the things He should have changed, the things He had given me that He shouldn't have. I had begged Him to change me, to let me fit in, to let me be beautiful. 

I had cried, and suffered, and ached to be anyone but me. But I promise you, I never once praised Him all those years, for making me the way He did. 

I remember realizing this, and feeling completely convicted over it, broken before my Creator God, ashamed for my youth, and the heart within me that was so ungrateful for the blessings God had filled my life with. I had put so much of my worth on my looks, that in all those years, I was never able to see myself the way God did because I was so consumed with hating my reflection in the mirror. 

How much I must have broken God's heart. How much I must have hurt Him. 

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Though I still look in the mirror from time to time and analyze my grey hairs, my thick hips, and still broad shoulders, I also see a person standing there that God took the time to make, just the way He wanted me. I'm able to see now that everything about me, all of my physical parts, are precious to God, and that I am precious to God.

I am able to stand before my Holy God, and praise Him, with my whole heart, because He made me, me. 

That's the biggest freedom I've ever known.

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Maybe there are things in your life that you're not able to thank God for. Maybe there are things you've suffered with for years. I encourage you to give them to God, and let Him love you, just the way He made you. I encourage you to reveal your honest heart to Him, and wait for Him to take the burden from you. 

I encourage you to praise Him, and see how it changes your life.