The Sin of Worrying

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 & 7

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I have this verse written out on a chalkboard in my kitchen. I have it positioned on a certain wall so it is the first thing I see when I walk into my home from the front, and the first thing I see as I enter the kitchen. It's also hung next to the back door, and the chalkboard holds our keys, so my life revolves around this chalkboard. I'd say that's a good thing.

When Andrew & I first found the antique frame, turned modern chalk board, we fell in love with the piece, but honestly I didn't know what to do with it. What would I write on the massive chalkboard? After hanging it, we decided on weekly scripture verses. Andrew picked the first week, and wrote out his verse, and when the week was up I erased it and put up Philippians 4:6 & 7, my verse. 

That was in September.

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I have a tendency to worry about things. Which is why I picked this verse in the first place. I was in my 6th month of pregnancy, and believe me, I had a lot on my mind, and a lot of things to worry about. 

Since then, it never seemed right to take the verse down, because I still had things on my mind, things I was still choosing to worry over. 

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On a day to day basis, I function just fine. But if I'm honest with myself, and honest before God, there are moments in my life when I allow fear to creep into my heart, for lies to take over truth, worry to take over my peace, and anxiety to steal my joy. This is a struggle that I've had for as long as I can remember, I imagine I'm inclined to it, based on some of my personality traits, i.e.: perfectionist, controller, planner, micro-manager. 

And when I let these moments happen, they aren't pretty. I get all worked up, and I hurt people I love, by allowing whatever worry it is at the time, to take me over. I become someone else. Someone I'm not proud of, someone I don't like. 

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"Do not be anxious about anything!"

Original Greek translation of this phrase is: "Have no cares", another is: "Be careful about nothing", and finally: "Do not be over-anxious." 

This isn't a suggestion, this isn't something nice to maybe try out. It's a command. Do not.

Do NOT!

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Who knew that when I started this blog, vulnerability would feel this vulnerable, and transparency would leave me this exposed? 

But maybe this devotional blog is as much about helping myself as it is helping someone else.

My heart is laid out here before the world, before God. 

I struggle with the sin of worrying. 

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God doesn't give us commandments to hurt us, He doesn't give us commandments to frame us in and control us, He gives us commandments to FREE us from the pain of sin. 

When I worry, I am not living in His truth, I am not living in His peace, I am not holding onto His promises, I am not trusting, I am not dying to self.

I am, however, living in bondage. I am living in pain, living in anxiety, living in doubt. I am allowing myself to become a slave.  

When Christ died to set me free.

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"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." Luke 12:25-27

All because I try to control, try to plan, try to prevent, try to fix. 

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Forgive me, God. Let today be a new day for me. Let this sin be removed. Let my bondage be set free. May I lay it all down, and never turn to pick it back up. Let Your peace guard my heart, and guard my mind, and allow me to rest in You.