A Wanderer in the Wilderness No More

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence 

to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus,

 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, 

that is, His body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart 

and with the full assurance that faith brings, 

having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience

 and having our bodies washed with pure water.  

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, 

for He who promised is faithful." 

- Hebrews 10:19-23

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The season of lent, traditionally practiced within the Catholic church, is meant to be a time of remembering. Catholic tradition involves fasting, penance, good works, and self-examination leading up to the holy week and to Easter. 40 days, symbolizing the time Jesus spent in the wilderness being tempted by satan, is a time Catholics set aside to remember the suffering of Jesus, and in a small way, identify with the suffering of Christ that ultimately led Him to the cross where He died for our sins. 

The protestant church does not carry on this tradition, with the exception of a few denominations, and so, I myself have never observed lent. I have always carried a negative opinion of lent, having seen what many "give up" in order to live lives of "suffering" for 40 days. I've always had the opinion that giving up chocolate, cell phones, alcohol, or some other form of "necessity" is ridiculous in comparison to what my Savior sacrificed for me. I've often felt that Catholics were simply living by tradition, fulfilling a religious obligation, and making small of the enormous weight and burden that Jesus carried for me. I've taken this offense personally, and in the past, have done all I can do to stay away from those practicing lent, lest I have to hear their complaints of skipping dessert: "Uh, I gave that up for lent!"

Perhaps I've just known the wrong sorts of Catholics, or perhaps this system really is flawed, I'm not sure, but ultimately I do know that it's God that judges the heart, and it's not my place to get angry with worthless offerings. God is the only one who knows our intentions, and perhaps I've carried my negativity for lent around long enough. 

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I do know that in my own heart of hearts, I'm in the need for renewal. My heart is burdened, and I've carried fear, guilt, doubt, and worry with me wherever I go for far too long. 

There are things in my life that hurt. A season of parenting and growing that has left me bruised and broken, and there have been many times when I've admitted to Andrew that I'm just not sure I'll make it through to the other side. 

There have been hours spent on the floor crying out to Jesus, and long distance phone calls made to my girlfriend who gets me without needing an explanation. There have been frantic visits to Mom & Dad, ice cream runs, and tearful goodnights. I've been wandering through a wilderness of my own, but unlike my Savior, satan's words of temptation penetrated my heart, and I allowed his lies and deceit to become my truth: maybe I'm really not good enough. 

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But the beautiful thing about this season of anticipation, this season of Lent, is that, though I'm currently walking through my own wilderness, I know the outcome! I know that my Savior God has already won, and that gives me hope to keep going, and courage to take just one more step. 

I need this time of Lent, to be a time where my heart reflects on what Jesus has done for me, and let those truths give me life. 

I need to remember that the blood of Jesus covered me, covered my sin, gave me victory over life and death, and every bad thing that may come. 

I need to remember that the veil was torn, that I am now an heir to the throne of God, a daughter of The King, and that I am welcome to enter into His presence, and lay my burden down. 

I need to remember that I have been purchased, forgiven, washed clean, and that there is nothing I can ever do to lose the love of my Father. 

I need this season of lent to be a time of peace, a time where I can draw near, a time where I can be held by The One who saved me. 

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So this year, for the first time, I'm observing lent. But in a different sort of way. 

I'm going to let this season of remembering wash over me, and heal the places in my heart that are broken. 

I'm going to rest in the promises of my Savior, and acknowledge that the work has already been done. 

Jesus has made a way, in His death, burial, and resurrection, He saved me from sin, and because of His sacrifice, God now welcomes me in, to rest in Him and find joy in the life He has given me. I am an overcomer, because Christ overcame the grave, and that's what our Easter celebration is all about. 

Remembering the sacrifice and death, yes, but also embracing the resurrection and life, now promised to each and every one of us who have accepted Jesus as LORD. 

40 days of focusing on truth, and drowning out all the lies, 

a wanderer in the wilderness no more. 

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