“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
- Matthew 11:28-30
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Sometimes God speaks to us through people, and this past Sunday someone told me something that literally stopped me in my tracks. We were talking about the loss of his Mother, and he told me that he had chosen to let God carry His grief. It sounded so simple and obvious, but it hit me because I realized that I haven't learned how to let God carry my grief.
I've had moments where I've prayed and asked God to relieve my burden, to help me, to give me rest. But I haven't learned what it feels like to walk in that rest everyday, knowing that God's yoke is easy, and that He is carrying the weight of my sadness.
I've been trying to carry the weight myself, and not only mine, but the weight of my family's grief as well. I've been trying to hold it all together, to fix what's broken, to implement practical solutions, and get through another day. I've been carrying my grief on my own shoulders, instead of allowing Jesus to share my yoke, and ease my burden. I was struck by the truth that I needed to choose to let God carry my grief, and learn how to lay my burden down.
I went to this passage in Matthew where Jesus welcomes us to come to Him, lay our burden on Him, and find His rest. The Jesus presented here is gentle and kind, promising us open arms, and strong shoulders. Jesus says "learn from me", because He wants to help us, to rescue us, to teach us how to walk in His freedom. Our image of Jesus is peaceful, unburdened, and gentle.
Why wouldn't I want to run to Him, have Him hold me, and let Him take away my pain? Why wouldn't I instinctively rush to Him, pour out my heart, and let Him heal me?
The answer to that is simple, and painful: I'm a sinner.
I like to fix things on my own.
I like to have the answers.
I like to be the hero.
And more than that, the painful part to admit…is that, perhaps I've been a bit angry with God. I've been angry with Him for taking away my Mom, for not answering our prayers, for wounding my Dad, for taking away our children's Grandma, for ruining our life, for causing this hurt, for leaving us here in our pain, for ripping our hearts in two, for allowing such a routine procedure to turn into tragedy, for letting my precious Mom die...
And because He allowed this pain, it's been hard to trust Him. It's been hard to run to Him and open my heart, because I feel like He wounded me. I feel like He betrayed me, hurt me, and required something of me that I wasn't ready to give…
My heart is broken and sad, hurt, and rebelling against The Good God I've known my whole life.
Though I've tried to keep hold of my faith through this sorrow, the broken places in my heart have literally kept me from the correct fellowship with my Father God that I need to have. And the truth and weight of that all came rushing over me when someone told me I needed to choose.
Am I going to let God carry my grief, or am I going to keep limping my way through life?
Am I going to let God be the Savior of my Grief, or am I going to keep trying to fix it on my own?
I have to choose.
God gives us free will. He doesn't push Himself on us. He offers Himself to us, tells us to come to Him, all who are weary, and find our rest, but we have choose to come. He won't take our burden until we ask Him, He won't save us until we surrender. He is loving and kind and generous, but He won't beg us to obey.
I can't keep trying to fix things on my own in one breath, and begging Him to save me in the next. I have to trust Him with my entire heart. I can't hold something back, and expect Him to make me whole. I have to trust Him with my brokenness, with my anger, with my questions, with my doubt. I have to trust Him with my pain, with my lost dreams, with my confusion. I have to keep trusting Him, through the great loss of my Mom, and let Him carry my grief.
This sort of thing may take time. I don't think it's something I can surrender all at once, because the grief is different day to day. But today I choose to let Him help me. I choose to confess my sinful heart, and let Him be The Savior of my life, and also The Savior of my grief.
Today I will choose to find my rest in Jesus, and let Him teach me how to surrender…
I've had moments where I've prayed and asked God to relieve my burden, to help me, to give me rest. But I haven't learned what it feels like to walk in that rest everyday, knowing that God's yoke is easy, and that He is carrying the weight of my sadness.
I've been trying to carry the weight myself, and not only mine, but the weight of my family's grief as well. I've been trying to hold it all together, to fix what's broken, to implement practical solutions, and get through another day. I've been carrying my grief on my own shoulders, instead of allowing Jesus to share my yoke, and ease my burden. I was struck by the truth that I needed to choose to let God carry my grief, and learn how to lay my burden down.
I went to this passage in Matthew where Jesus welcomes us to come to Him, lay our burden on Him, and find His rest. The Jesus presented here is gentle and kind, promising us open arms, and strong shoulders. Jesus says "learn from me", because He wants to help us, to rescue us, to teach us how to walk in His freedom. Our image of Jesus is peaceful, unburdened, and gentle.
Why wouldn't I want to run to Him, have Him hold me, and let Him take away my pain? Why wouldn't I instinctively rush to Him, pour out my heart, and let Him heal me?
The answer to that is simple, and painful: I'm a sinner.
I like to fix things on my own.
I like to have the answers.
I like to be the hero.
And more than that, the painful part to admit…is that, perhaps I've been a bit angry with God. I've been angry with Him for taking away my Mom, for not answering our prayers, for wounding my Dad, for taking away our children's Grandma, for ruining our life, for causing this hurt, for leaving us here in our pain, for ripping our hearts in two, for allowing such a routine procedure to turn into tragedy, for letting my precious Mom die...
And because He allowed this pain, it's been hard to trust Him. It's been hard to run to Him and open my heart, because I feel like He wounded me. I feel like He betrayed me, hurt me, and required something of me that I wasn't ready to give…
My heart is broken and sad, hurt, and rebelling against The Good God I've known my whole life.
Though I've tried to keep hold of my faith through this sorrow, the broken places in my heart have literally kept me from the correct fellowship with my Father God that I need to have. And the truth and weight of that all came rushing over me when someone told me I needed to choose.
Am I going to let God carry my grief, or am I going to keep limping my way through life?
Am I going to let God be the Savior of my Grief, or am I going to keep trying to fix it on my own?
I have to choose.
God gives us free will. He doesn't push Himself on us. He offers Himself to us, tells us to come to Him, all who are weary, and find our rest, but we have choose to come. He won't take our burden until we ask Him, He won't save us until we surrender. He is loving and kind and generous, but He won't beg us to obey.
I can't keep trying to fix things on my own in one breath, and begging Him to save me in the next. I have to trust Him with my entire heart. I can't hold something back, and expect Him to make me whole. I have to trust Him with my brokenness, with my anger, with my questions, with my doubt. I have to trust Him with my pain, with my lost dreams, with my confusion. I have to keep trusting Him, through the great loss of my Mom, and let Him carry my grief.
This sort of thing may take time. I don't think it's something I can surrender all at once, because the grief is different day to day. But today I choose to let Him help me. I choose to confess my sinful heart, and let Him be The Savior of my life, and also The Savior of my grief.
Today I will choose to find my rest in Jesus, and let Him teach me how to surrender…
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