Living with the Sting

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” 

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

-1 Corinthians 15:55-57

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It's funny how when grief hits you, old beloved verses of scripture seem to change. They take on new meaning, are revealed in a new way, a different way, than before the grief came. I've been reading verses that never "spoke" to me before, that I now hold dear, and in the same way, I've met some of my favorite verses with questioning and doubt, unable to feel the victory in them that I once did. 

I must admit, I've had some trouble with this verse in 1 Corinthians since my Mom died. 

As Christians, the finality of death is supposed to hurt less, because Christ gave us victory over the grave. And I suppose, in some ways it does hurt less, because of the hope we have. But in other ways, the pain is enough to steal away my air and drop me to my knees. Why does no one in the church ever talk about that kind of pain? 

So often when tragedy comes, we recite these "victory verses" to those who are hurting. We think they will bandage the wound, fix the pain, heal the heart. But is it ever ok to KNOW these verses inside and out, and still suffer the sadness of death? I think it is. I think I'm in it now…

Because though I know the true meaning of this verse, though I know the eternal hope it offers, my heart is still broken and longing to be with my Mom. I am experiencing grief, walking through it, in hopes of reaching healing, but for now, I'm sad. The sting in my heart is not because I don't know where my Mom is, but because in fact I DO know where she is, and I know I can't go there yet…

The veil between Heaven and Earth has never felt so wide, and the sting in my heart has never been more raw…

Though we will never know the anguish of eternal damnation and separation from our Father God, we will know the sting of death in the form of separation from our loved ones on Earth. We have to feel that, because Adam & Eve sinned, and we now live in a fallen world, and this is our consequence: we die, and we suffer because of it. 

The hope offered here for Christians, is that the suffering is not the end. That's the key that you can't miss, that I can't miss while I grieve. 

"Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning!" - Psalm 30:5

I am currently walking through my night, but because of the hope I have in Jesus, I know that morning will eventually come. My suffering will not last forever, and the sting of death will not last forever, though I may feel that way now... 

I have to understand that this feeling is temporary, in light of what Jesus did for me, and I have to believe that we will have victory over the grave, and victory over the pain we currently feel. Today's verse is still true, even if my heart doesn't currently feel victorious. 

I suppose this is all part of the refining, the work God is doing on my heart to better prepare me for His work. This is a chapter in my life of "working out my faith", working out my relationship with my Father God, and getting to know Him in a way I never knew before. He has been LORD of my life, and now He is LORD of my grief, but He is the same God. He has not changed, and He won't change. 

This chapter of sadness will not last forever, and one day, He will bring the victory for me, when He calls me home, and wipes away every tear from my eyes. I have that hope, and I'm longing for the day.